But, the real wedding has so many "actual" very "non-fun" things in it. At least in my perspective. I would be more than happy if someone actually gives me a logical explanation. Because, as a good friend cleverly put it, am a DBCD (Desi Born Confused Desi) suffering form "Practicophobia", which is a disease in which the person affected aims to seek practical explanations to everything. I am talking about TamBrahm Iyer weddings in specific, because whatever knowledge I have is about these kind of weddings. Apparently, it is better to itch ones own self rather than the neighbors back. Let me list a few rituals that am striving to really understand.
Firstly, there is a ritual where the bride's father washes the feet of the groom.Apparently, the groom is considered the avatar of Lord Vishnu and it is OK for an elderly person to wash the feet of a very young bloke who neither has the worldly knowledge or experience that the other person has. The reason his "HOLY" feet gets to be washed is just because he is the groom which also makes him an avatar of Vishnu. So, is it OK if the bride asks the mother of the groom to wash her feet. Alas, if the groom is an avatar of Vishnu the bride has to be the avatar of Goddess Lakshmi and what is wrong in washing the feet of Goddess Lakshmi. Isn't it ?Secondly, what's up with this whole Kanya "Dhanam" thing. So, the girl becomes a piece of good that can be given as dhanam to someone. Research tells me that this ritual is mainly to give the girls hand in marriage to the guy. I thought they were both getting married to each other or is it just that the girl gets married to the guy ? And to add to it, am pretty sure a M-C-P (google for it if you don't get the abbreviation) coined the name Kanya "Dhanam". I wish some one asks "whats the return Dhanam buddy, you know even early times had only the barter system, never a one way trade
Fourthly, this gothram changing, kula deivam changing shifting to another family thing is something beyond my understanding. So, if I go to his family does he come to mine ? Ahem, guys explanation please. If ditching ones family and going to another family is what marriage is all about, I think someone has seriously missed a point while framing the rituals. In my mind, it is just an addition of a new relationship for the girl and the boy along with all her existing ones. The boy or the girl never replaces any relationship that existed before the wedding.And how does the ritual of trying to look for the pole star in broad day light make sense ???
So, here I am with all these questions in mind, a DBCD who cannot fit into the tambrahm wedding world....... !
11 comments:
Harini -
Spot on. What happened "traditionally" to what happens now is completely different, and while you have highlighted a few very valid ones, there are plenty more that seems not only stupid but also intellectually insulting [like WTF is about the Kasi Yathirai eh? Fun it was for me [:)], but logically?].
Now, I am going to ask something basic. In MY wedding, it's supposed to be me and MY wife who should enjoy it. However, the very persons who are supposed to enjoy it, enjoy it the LEAST. WTF? It's either this thing to do or that thing, none of which you have a bloody clue and don't eat .. blah de blah. It's either this mama or this mami commenting on some thing. Get to fuck. Why is there a pressure on my and her parents when they are the ones who are supposed to be with ME rather than try to please the hundreds? And *knowing* that you can't please everyone.
Good god Harini, I *can*, having gone thro this bitch about it for days.
Having said that, there is NO way I could have refused. You cannot change people in ONE go.
Seenu mama won't say anything, I've tried. Trust me. I even rebelled, BIG time. In the end, I admit, *I* gave up. For all the texts and philosophy the like to quote, they simply refuse to get the point that time moves and things change. The "Andha Kalathula" mentality as I call it :)
I feel bolstered Mahesh Anna. One open and blatant support for my views. I said I will tolerate all the other rituals that I don't agree and understand, if only my father doesn't have to wash any legs. I mean, really.
I can give specific explantion if you have. please go through my some of the explantions if it finds logical to you.
http://veda.sakthifoundation.org/marriage-ritual.htm
The first one's pretty weird Harini. We should adapt for changing times. Dare I say - I'm not sure if even Lord Vishnu or Goddess Lakshmi would want it that way. Nice of you to notice these things.
Oh I understand that there is a *meaning* for everything. No question about it. However how much of that is relevant to where we live and what we do?
One of the saving graces is that, our vadhyar was extremely competent and I made him give a running commentary on proceedings.
@akshai:- am glad you agree. Make sure no respectful gentleman ends up washing your legs in your wedding just coz you are the groom. Deal ?
@ M Anna:- competent vathyars eh?!?!? Let's see if they can find one. My chththapa has promised live comentary but let's see.
After Vaak Daanam (commitment through word), Kanya Daanam is done which is wrongly interpreted as giving the girl as a commodity. Like vaak Daanam which means commitment of word, kanya Daanam means the father seeks a commitment from the groom, by placing the bride’s hand on the groom hand. Hand represents action and kanya Daanam means commitment in every action in the married life.
However how much of that is relevant to where we live and what we do?
All the meaningful rituals have relevance even today. Everyone wants happiness, whether people in the past or in the present. These rituals if done not only knowing the meaning but also with awareness, will bring happiness in the married life.
@Pradheep :- So, if you do really know the meaning and relevance of the rituals to the current day can you please highlight those. Your answer seems like a very generic explanation without any actual reasoning.
These rituals need more research (by all of you)- dig deep into vedic literature worked on by several authors - Indian and non-Indian alike and you will find key rituals like - metti on girl's feet is placed by the guy. Also, guys also used to wear a metti (toe ring). those customs are now gone.
There needs to be a strong reform movement which should eventually reduce female infanticide/selective choice and give equal respect to women. This includes a change in the mindset of the old parental figures. Good luck. ps: A lot of the knowledge that I have gained in the last year have been at the behest of my caucasian american fiance.
A marriage has a very important significance.Especially a Brahmin marriage has lot of significance.It is very difficult to explain all the points over here.But I can certainly say that if these rituals are followed strictly,carefully you get the rewards,in your later life.Thanks.
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