A DBCD's questions about TamBrahm Weddings

             A wedding is generally termed to be the epitome of happiness. A tambrahm one in that seems more fun. How can you say that a three day, rituals filled wedding can not be fun, hunh ? Lots of food, dresses, and beautiful girls wearing silk sarees and pavadais and singing carnatic music. Not to forget the conglomeration of the society of mamis, who decide who has to get married next and with whom.

              But, the real wedding has so many "actual" very "non-fun" things in it. At least in my perspective. I would be more than happy if someone actually gives me a logical explanation. Because, as a good friend cleverly put it, am a DBCD (Desi Born Confused Desi) suffering form "Practicophobia", which is a disease in which the person affected aims to seek practical explanations to everything. I am talking about TamBrahm Iyer weddings in specific, because whatever knowledge I have is about these kind of weddings. Apparently, it is better to itch ones own self rather than the neighbors back. Let me list a few rituals that am striving to really understand.

          Firstly, there is a ritual where the bride's father washes the feet of the groom.Apparently, the groom is considered the avatar of Lord Vishnu and it is OK for an elderly person to wash the feet of a very young bloke who neither has the worldly knowledge or experience that the other person has. The reason his "HOLY" feet gets to be washed is just because he is the groom which also makes him an avatar of  Vishnu. So, is it OK if the bride asks the mother of the groom to wash her feet. Alas, if the groom is an avatar of Vishnu the bride has to be the avatar of Goddess Lakshmi and what is wrong in washing the feet of Goddess Lakshmi. Isn't it ?

         Secondly, what's up with this whole Kanya "Dhanam" thing. So, the girl becomes a piece of good that can be given as dhanam to someone. Research tells me that this ritual is mainly to give the girls hand in marriage to the guy. I thought they were both getting married to each other or is it just that the girl gets married to the guy ? And to add to it, am pretty sure a M-C-P (google for it if you don't get the abbreviation) coined the name Kanya "Dhanam". I wish some one asks "whats the return Dhanam buddy, you know even early times had only the barter system, never a one way trade ;)"

            Thirdly, whats with the yatra to Kasi. First of all the university there is not very good compared to the zillion other universities in this world and second of all if the dude wants to ditch his marriage and go to Kasi for higher education then he is more than welcome to. Why should the bride's father go beg and please in Sanskrit and ask him to marry his daughter. I would rather be happy single, that marry a nerd who wants to ditch his wedding to study in Kasi ?!?!?!?          

      Fourthly, this gothram changing, kula deivam changing shifting to another family thing is something beyond my understanding. So, if I go to his family does he come to mine ? Ahem, guys explanation please. If ditching ones family and going to another family is what marriage is all about, I think someone has seriously missed a point while framing the rituals. In my mind, it is just an addition of a new relationship for the girl and the boy along with all her existing ones. The boy or the girl never replaces any relationship that existed before the wedding.And how does the ritual of trying to look for the pole star in broad day light make sense ???

     Finally, the girl has to wear a thali symbolizing her marriage, what does the dude wear ? At least in the west the wedding band on the hands of the groom and bride makes sense.

     So, here I am with all these questions in mind, a DBCD who cannot fit into the tambrahm wedding world....... !