A DBCD's questions about TamBrahm Weddings

             A wedding is generally termed to be the epitome of happiness. A tambrahm one in that seems more fun. How can you say that a three day, rituals filled wedding can not be fun, hunh ? Lots of food, dresses, and beautiful girls wearing silk sarees and pavadais and singing carnatic music. Not to forget the conglomeration of the society of mamis, who decide who has to get married next and with whom.

              But, the real wedding has so many "actual" very "non-fun" things in it. At least in my perspective. I would be more than happy if someone actually gives me a logical explanation. Because, as a good friend cleverly put it, am a DBCD (Desi Born Confused Desi) suffering form "Practicophobia", which is a disease in which the person affected aims to seek practical explanations to everything. I am talking about TamBrahm Iyer weddings in specific, because whatever knowledge I have is about these kind of weddings. Apparently, it is better to itch ones own self rather than the neighbors back. Let me list a few rituals that am striving to really understand.

          Firstly, there is a ritual where the bride's father washes the feet of the groom.Apparently, the groom is considered the avatar of Lord Vishnu and it is OK for an elderly person to wash the feet of a very young bloke who neither has the worldly knowledge or experience that the other person has. The reason his "HOLY" feet gets to be washed is just because he is the groom which also makes him an avatar of  Vishnu. So, is it OK if the bride asks the mother of the groom to wash her feet. Alas, if the groom is an avatar of Vishnu the bride has to be the avatar of Goddess Lakshmi and what is wrong in washing the feet of Goddess Lakshmi. Isn't it ?

         Secondly, what's up with this whole Kanya "Dhanam" thing. So, the girl becomes a piece of good that can be given as dhanam to someone. Research tells me that this ritual is mainly to give the girls hand in marriage to the guy. I thought they were both getting married to each other or is it just that the girl gets married to the guy ? And to add to it, am pretty sure a M-C-P (google for it if you don't get the abbreviation) coined the name Kanya "Dhanam". I wish some one asks "whats the return Dhanam buddy, you know even early times had only the barter system, never a one way trade ;)"

            Thirdly, whats with the yatra to Kasi. First of all the university there is not very good compared to the zillion other universities in this world and second of all if the dude wants to ditch his marriage and go to Kasi for higher education then he is more than welcome to. Why should the bride's father go beg and please in Sanskrit and ask him to marry his daughter. I would rather be happy single, that marry a nerd who wants to ditch his wedding to study in Kasi ?!?!?!?          

      Fourthly, this gothram changing, kula deivam changing shifting to another family thing is something beyond my understanding. So, if I go to his family does he come to mine ? Ahem, guys explanation please. If ditching ones family and going to another family is what marriage is all about, I think someone has seriously missed a point while framing the rituals. In my mind, it is just an addition of a new relationship for the girl and the boy along with all her existing ones. The boy or the girl never replaces any relationship that existed before the wedding.And how does the ritual of trying to look for the pole star in broad day light make sense ???

     Finally, the girl has to wear a thali symbolizing her marriage, what does the dude wear ? At least in the west the wedding band on the hands of the groom and bride makes sense.

     So, here I am with all these questions in mind, a DBCD who cannot fit into the tambrahm wedding world....... !

Old Love ... Lost Love ... New Love ...

OK.Wait. No, this post is not about my love for beings of the opposite sex, or of the same sex for that matter.

       After coming to this part of the world, I discovered and re-discovered a lot about myself. Today my friend P, demonstrated his utter dislike for peanut butter and how he has remained unchanged in regards of his dislike for it from the time he came to America. That, and some thinking going on in my head for quite sometime prompted me to present this.Another LIST !! A list that talks about my new found love, lost love and old love that has remained unchanged for stuff which includes but not restricted to shoes, food, clothes, shoes, stuff and shoes.

Oh! wait, did I already mention shoes ?

New Love 


Shoes :- I used to  have two of them. One was the sneakers that I had to wear for my labs in college, failing which I would be punished by the lab attendant and the other that I used to wear for daily use. Now, with the advent of DSW in my life, I own 9 pairs of footwear ranging from flip flops to heeled formals to boots to casuals to my best skeechers. This is a new love for sure. I never used to understand why people have more than one pair of footwear during 'those' days. But now I hear you shoe lovers. I feel you too.

PB&J :- Generally, when I go home to India, I do not miss anything from back here. I promise, not even the clean cities or the silent highways. But, PB&J is one thing I miss badly, that my mom asked me to bring a bottle of it next time I come home, so that I can have it with hot idlis and crisp dosas. Oh how much I love PB&J ...

Ginger Ale:- There was this time period in my life when I would run like having seen a ghost when someone offered me fizzy drinks. The burp ! yikes... one thing that completely turn me off. Now, after this newly discovered love, I have learned to burp in a very dignified manner.


Handbags:- Wait a second, I can't even remember if I even had one before I came here.If, an old racksack that had everything in it except myself, that I used to carry to college or anywhere I went cannot be listed as a hand bag then, no I didn't own one. I did not quite realize how much I loved them till I started to work. I work in Bethesda you know and the fashion bug does bite even the hardest if you spend time here. Of course not to forget I didn't have lot of money when I was a student so my hand bags were restricted to the SALE section in walmart. Now, yes I do have a clan of handbags. I must also add I love the conventional ones from India that I got in the 'Rajasthani Handloom Sale'.

Englipees Movies :- I had seen 5 english movies when I was back in India. Jurassic Park, Home Alone Part I, Titanic, Godzilla and Baby's day out. Period. Now, I am hooked to them, other than collecting them.

Lost Love 

Oiled, long, black hair :- I used to love it. I no longer do, except my mom's hair of course. Seeing it on someone here impresses me no more. Blame it on the maintenance required from a lazy bum like me, or the cold that freezes the oil, I don't know.  But I no longer like it.

Old Love

Flowers:- Just one of the long list is flowers. I adore, love, heart all the flowers my poo-karama brings home to keep on the head. I miss the flowers and her. The different styles of braiding the flowers themselves to look like braided hair, oh what beauty. I still love love this. I miss this.

This list is pretty long. It has everything that has helped defining me. Just the other two lists are changed/new.
 Change is nice :)

Mind flashings ......

I haven't blogged in a long time, though I claimed that my hibernation has hit the finish line. Bad me.

I have no particular topic in mind to blog about. But, wanted to write something and that is when I read this post of my friend Abinaya and got my inspiration from it. I am just going to ramble about the thoughts that go through my mind for the next few minutes. I do not know if this is interesting but hey, this is just a space to be me. I promise to be honest and not censor anything that goes through my mind.

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Was my salary deposited for this month ? I have lot of financial commitments this month.

Silence is too loud. Don't like it.

What the heck was that song Mitikiri. It was nice. Nice shruti you had, while singing.

Don't yawn da, I will feel sleepy too.

Something is wrong with my blogger account. The Enter key takes me to the start of the line. Weird !

Maalai Neeram, mazhai thoovum kaalam. En janal oram nirkiran..... Love with this song.

Today is one month since a loved one left me. I miss you athims.

The bloody blogger and keyboard is driving me crazy.

Wonder Woman - Am I one ?

Nice telugu song in the back ground.

It will be fun three days followed by a week, that I can't predict about. What is going to happen ?

Reading my thoughts of the past couple of minutes and holy cow, how will my processor (brain) handle so much stuff. Intel should take a cue from me.

Spinning in my chair.

Bad hair day. Would be nice to have straight silky hair.

Nest time I go to New Jersey, I should buy that hair straightener that is compatible in India and US.

Harry Potter !!!! You are one awesome thing that happened to me.

My name is spelt Xapumu in Russian.

Stretching. OK shall I get back to the stuff I have to do.

Shiva shiva !!!

Got to call amma and appa.

blank blank blank blank

The sound of typing irritates me no more. What a long way I have come, isn't it.

Am I still good in grammar. Not sure. Probably I should get to reading books.

Remember The Kite Runner is still sitting in the shelf in the loo.

But I saw the movie. So ?!?!?!?

Got a call. Got mad at Dinesh. Idiot.

Ok. Got to go. Stop thinking stupid lady.

See you people. I hope to be more written. I hope all the time. :)

To be or not to be ?

I have been wondering about a lot of things lately. Then it struck to me, why not I make a list, like the way brother-character in the movie Interpreter does. Well, he makes gory lists the most and I make nonsense list. So, here is one of those ...

Should I grow my hair longer or should I make it even shorter ?

Should I color my hair or highlight or just let it be ?

Should I hire a personal trainer or just sweat the hell out in Zumba ?

Should I try some basic make up or just let the natural skin be ?

Should I point my career towards management or towards teaching or stay put as is ?

Should I pierce my nose or not ?

Should I start saving for the future or live the present ?

Should I spend a fortune on an extravagant, one of a kind wedding or make it simple and beautiful ?

Should I see Avatar or Tamil Padam this weekend ?

and the lists conitnue ....

Hibernation hits the finish line

Hello Blog,

It's been a long time since I wrote anything. Although, of course I have been using you to get to meet many of your blog mates in the blogosphere. Thanks a lot for being so patient and tolerant when I ignored you completely and just 'used' you to meet other blogs. You were and are such a good friend. Now, expect me to write more often and as always it will be all sense and nonsense that happens in yours truly's life and mind.

Cheers to you my dearest.

Love,
Harini

P.S:- Don't you ever think this is a V-day trick to make you feel good. I really do care about and for you.